what a great day

Today was one of those days that I have been dreaming about. The kind of day that I haven't had in a really long time. The kind of day that I really needed. It was pretty much the absolute opposite of my previous weekend.


I washed that gray right out of my hair. Literally. Went to the early service at Bridgewood with some friends. Went home and fixed some yummy quesadillas for me and the kids. (Ok side note---the last time I made quesadillas for the kids was probably almost 2 months ago. And I tried to sneak in some refried beans into it for the extra protein umph. Miss Texture-Sensitive immediately sensed the mushiness and wouldn't eat another bite. The first thing out of her mouth when I mentioned we'd be eating quesadillas was, "But they had mushy stuff in them." Amazing. And she even asked me while I was making them, "Are you looking in the cupboard for beans?" Unbelievable.) Then we got our snow stuff on and drove to our favorite hiking place. It's this obscure regional park (or whatever one might call it) that's basically just a huge forest with man-made trails (basically packed down snow). It was about 35 degrees today. Loverly, really. The sun was shining and I heard a few birds. The dog went crazy as she's been cooped up for much of the winter because it's been too dang cold. The kids just ran and ran and ran. Threw snowballs. Yelled when they saw pricker bushes. Fell in the snow. I just trudged along at a leisurely pace while Ruby ran circles around us. It was incredible. The walk got a little long and we had to trudge through some pretty deep snow. But it was so worth it. After that I put the kids down for naptime/quiet time and I grabbed my book by one of my favorite authors, Jodi Picoult. Mmmm...such a delightful read.





I read until the kids came out of hibernation. They watched a movie while I searched the net for a yummy cookie recipe. Mmmm...found one. I made the cookies (and proceeded to indulge in several). And then I read some more. Then I made dinner. It was pretty good. Ella gagged on the potatoes (no surprise there) and Simon ate about 3 bites and called it good. Whatever. I liked it. Then they decided they wanted to watch Peter Pan with the lights out. Who was I to get in the way of their grand plan? And since the lights were out, I had to go upstairs and read. Oh darn. I read and they watched until it was time for bed. They are now tucked away, dreaming of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. I had a few more cookies with a chaser of milk and am settling into some data entry for a friend. Skippy leaves Cincinnati tomorrow around lunch time and will get home in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. I really miss him.

What a great day. How was your weekend?

Simon says: "Sometimes my belly button wants a drink but my tummy doesn't. Bwa-ha-ha."

You Nan I Mus

The vote was unanimous in favor of bringing Skip on staff at Hope Fellowship in Ramsey! We don't have all the details yet (Skip's in Cincinnati) but we're just really excited about this new adventure. I honestly didn't think we'd ever be back in church ministry again. Mostly because I had such deep wounds from past experiences. But God healed and restored those wounds these last few years at Bridgewood Community Church. It's been a very cool time for us. I'm looking to the future with big hopes and expectations for very very cool things.

Thanks for praying for us.

The funniest thing you'll see all day

Ok folks. I love to laugh at pictures of funny-looking people. This montage takes the cake. Found this on my friend's brother's blog site.

Props to Chris, graphic design genius, for making me almost wake my kids up from their slumber with my howling laughter. Man I needed that laugh.

More Simonisms

Here's a conversation I had with Simon tonight as we drove away from my friend Kristie's house. Kristie has 2 kids about the same age as mine.

Simon: What's Matthew's dad's name?
Me: Gregg
Simon: Fig?
Me: No, Gregg.
Simon: Ohhh, Gregg. Where does Gregg work?
Me: He works at a place called Honeywell. I don't know what he does there.
(we spent about 2-3 minutes working on how to pronounce Honeywell)
Simon: Why is it called Honeywell? I bet it's because they eat honey sandwiches there.
Me: Yep, I'm sure that's why.

on the mend

I went to bed at 8:30 last night and got out of bed at 7:45 this morning. Now, I didn't sleep that whole time but I actually did sleep, which is more than I can say for the last 5 days. I can talk today. I can walk around. I can drink. I can eat a little. My pain and swelling has gone down dramatically. I'm still taking some strong pain medication (and will for the next few days) but I feel like I'm finally getting better. My throat is still sore enough that I can't open my mouth up all the way (and we all know how wide that opening is - hehehe). I'm home with the kids this morning while Skip is at our probable new church, preaching. He is flying by the seat of the Holy Spirit today. It's interesting how God has prepared him for that. He decided earlier this week that he wasn't going to do any flashy media stuff (powerpoint, audience response). God knew that he wouldn't have time for it. So he's just going to have to share from his heart. That's not a bad thing because he has a very good one.

Thank you so much to all who have been praying for me and for us during this time. Please continue to pray that no one else gets sick. Skip has a 5-day business trip this week. He leaves on Thursday and comes back on Monday night. I've already missed 2 days of work. We can't afford any more days if the kids get sick. Your prayers, meals and beautiful tulips have helped sustain us during this really awful experience. We are so blessed to have such a strong support system here. Our friends are absolutely priceless and so greatly appreciated. Thank you and we love you!!!

worst day of my life

Today was the worst day of my 30 years. Not "probably" the worst. The worst. I honestly wanted to die. Please, God, end my misery.

Wednesday night I came home from work with a pretty bad sore throat. I was up most of the night because it hurt so much. Thursday I went to the local minute clinic for a strep test. It was positive. I came home with my penicillin and went to bed. I felt like I had the flu - chills, headache, feverish. It was weird. I expected to feel better on Friday. Not at all. In fact, I felt worse. My throat was hurting worse and the pain had started to spread down my neck. Skip and I missed out on a Valentine's Day banquet with the church he is candidating at. By now I'm pilfering the drug bins in my bathroom trying everything from leftover tylenol with codeine to vicoden. I'm in major pain and the swelling is preventing me from talking. It's Saturday, I have to be feeling better right? I can't sleep. I can't drink. I can't swallow. I can't eat. Something wasn't right. We called a Dr friend and he called in some prescriptions for me to help with the pain and swelling. As I lay in bed I realize that I am so weak and in so much pain that I can't just let this strep thing run it's course. The pain and swelling and infection had now gone from just one side of my throat to my entire throat, into my mouth (my tongue was so swollen and painful I couldnt' talk), down my neck and into my ears. I was worried that I was developing something much more serious. I broke down in tears. I couldn't function any longer. I needed help right now. The problem, my friends, is that we don't have health coverage right now. My new insurance kicks in on March 1. We have access to Cobra but that's a whole other story. We have already spent $100 on this sickness and lost 2 days of work for me. Skip piled us all in the car and drove us to the ER. He dropped me off and I went in. I literally can not make any audible noises because my throat and tongue are so swollen. I'm dehydrated, haven't eaten at all today and can't talk. The triage nurses weren't particularly kind or gentle. There was an intoxicated, suicidal woman in the waiting room making quite the scene. When Skip came in I ushered him right out to take the kids to a friends house (you are ANGELS Chad and Sheri). The hospital was not nice. Smelly, dirty. I felt like I was in a run down, small, urban city. I wanted to run but I didn't have the energy. The triage nurse told me I HAD to talk to her. I wasn't allowed to write. I wanted to kick her teeth in. After being there for an hour, I was finally put in a room. We waited for another two hours for someone to see us. By this time I was delirious, completely exhausted, pissed, crying and ready to die. My whole body convulsed each time I tried to swallow. It was like I was trying to swallow razorblades. They told me that I was going to get some fluids and some serious narcotics to help. The IV nurse came in and said, "It will only take me one time." Obviously she hasn't met me. I'm the queen of collapsing and ellusive veins, ESPECIALLY when I'm dehydrated. She stuck me twice. No vein. Tears ran down my cheeks. She had to call in the specialists. 25 min later they still weren't there. I began to cry and get really angry. FINALLY the IV special forces arrived and she got me right away. When the drug goddess, Kim, arrived she looked at me and said, "Are you upset or just in pain?" I had NO love for anyone by this time. Skip graciously explained the extended delay in getting any services. Yeah, I was pissed. She set me up with narcotics that I haven't experienced before, drugs that I see on a daily basis at work. Fentanyl (for pain), zofran (for nausea) and then a steroid to help with the swelling. By this time I was ready to die. I wanted to call it quits. I would rather have 10 c-sections without pain medication than live with this any longer. It couldn't get any worse. Once those drugs got in my system I thought I had in fact died but was in heaven. Instant relief. No more pain. No more swelling. It was really bizarre. I closed my eyes and Kim beckoned me back. She had to put me on oxygen because my levels dropped when I dozed off. The fentanyl didn't last long (20 min) but Kim returned with a dose of something else to put me at ease. I felt amost normal again. Almost. Skip arrived with the kids around 5pm (we'd been there for 5 hours now). It was time to go home. I was feeling pretty good.

It's 6:15pm and I'm back on earth again. Still feeling like crap. Not in nearly as bad of shape as earlier. That will probably turn out to be one of my most expensive trips to the hospital. But I couldn't have survived without it. I think if I hadn't gone in on my own, the ambulance would have taken me. It was that bad. Now I still have to finish out my antibiotics and will continue my constant dosage of vicoden or whatever drug I was prescribed. I still talk funny and have majorly swollen glands. But I don't want to die anymore.

Poor Skippy. He was supposed to be working on his sermon this morning. We were supposed to go to a couple's get together that we were really looking forward to. Sigh...I feel so bad for him. He was so good to me today, totally sacrificing his own needs and plans for me. I seriously could not have asked for a better mate. I love you Skip. This certainly will be a valentine's day we won't forget, huh? Or maybe we want to.

Hopefully I'll be back at work on Monday. But I won't be going anywhere or doing anything tomorrow. That's for sure. I would never wish this sickness on my worst enemy.

Living in the 'hood

After much delay, my parents finally closed on their new home in the 'hood in Ft Wayne, Indiana. They didn't waste any time in starting the demolition. They found some treasure under the cupboards under the sink: some rat skeletons. Niiiiice. I was hoping for a big wad of cash. It's an old house, they still have time.

This sign is located a few blocks from their house. Nuf said.

Out of the mouths of babes

Simon says the strangest things. See this post from Skip's blog about his experience yesterday.

This is Skip and Simon's dialogue today:

Simon: Daddy, when am I going to go to Simonmentary school?
Skip: Huh?
Simon: Simonmentary school. Ella goes to Ellamentary school. When do I get to go to Simonmentary school?

Amazing. That kid is so stinking smart.

Jesus is not a vending machine

Interesting thought I had today. I was reading in John 6 this morning. There's a story there about how Jesus fed 5000+ people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. If you're a Christian you've probably heard this one many times. That, in and of itself, is pretty crazy. But it continues. Jesus makes his way to the other side of the lake (Sea of Galilee). The people make their way to the other side too and question Jesus about how he got there. (He actually walked across the water instead of riding in the boat - wouldn't you?). This is Jesus' response:

John 6: 26
Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill."

The people didn't believe he was who he said he was. Many of them probably didn't care. They just got free food so they were happy and wanted more. How many times have I come to Jesus wanting something, not really caring about who he is but more that he can give me what I want? Usually it's the same list of things I always ask for: food, money, food, money... I come to him as if he's a vending machine and I punch the same numbers for my daily sustenance.

Jesus continues.

John 6: 35-37
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe."

Jesus wasn't necessarily talking about physical hunger. He was talking about spiritual hunger. Only Jesus can satiate that deep longing for something more from this life. And once you find that source you won't have want for anything else. He alone can provide that deep satisfaction and feeling of purpose and belonging. It wasn't very long ago that I pleaded with God to show me that he even knows that we were struggling as a family. As if I really needed proof. I was just like those people Jesus fed. They just wanted their immediate physical needs met. They really weren't in it for the person of Jesus. Thank you, God, for giving me grace when I act like a dope, when I forget what you're all about, when I forget that you created the whole entire universe.

What do I do?

So what exactly does Carolyn do at work? Well, sit down, buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life. No just kidding. It's not that exciting. But I'll explain in case you were wondering.

I work for Walgreens Option Care. Option Care is a specialty pharmacy that provides in-home nurses and medication (almost entirely in IVs) to people in their homes. We do drugs for newborns to prevent RSV, total nutrition bags (for people who can't eat anything), chemotherapy, antibiotics for major infections, narcotics (like morphine), etc. We also send the meds to clinics if needed (chemotherapy). So my job is in the pharmacy where we prep and assemble everything. Ok so let's say that we get an order for a round of IV antibiotics for someone. The first thing I do is pull all the drugs and supplies together and send them into "The Clean Room". This room is where all the magic happens. I have to wash my hands like a doctor does, wear a medical hair net thing, gloves, a face mask, shoe booties and a paper-like jacket. Then I go over to one of the hoods (these are big air vent things you used in chemistry class in high school or college.) This is where the chemicals are mixed, prepped and put into whatever container they are supposed to be in (there are several different kinds). I have to use a lot of needles and syringes and all kinds of medical doo-dads that I never knew existed. Not only that, but everything has to be precise. We're talking about someone's medication that will go directly into their bloodstream. It's a little scary. I have to do all kinds of math calculations to make sure that I put the right amount into each IV bag or container. That's the hard part, other than the technique for putting all this stuff together. There are so many steps to some of these orders that I just want to pull my hair out. Of course I am moving really slow so what takes my coworkers 10 minutes takes me like 45 minutes. I know that I'll get the hang of it soon but boy is it frustrating. So once I'm done labeling everything I send it back out to the pharmacy big room. There the pharmacist double checks everything before it goes out the door. Then it goes to our shipping area and they ship it. Whew. Sometimes all that happens in a matter of 15-20 minutes. Sometimes we're really busy. Other times the orders come trickling in and we just kinda sit around or restock stuff. It's definitely a challenging job, which I like.

So that's all you ever wanted to know about Carolyn's new job. Much more interesting than naptimes, potty training and eating habits now, huh?

What's your power source?

I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. And for 29.5 of those years I thought that just because I had "prayed the prayer" meant that I had at my finger tips everything I needed to live out that faith. The Bible talks about "being filled with the Spirit." I was always taught that that just happened when you became a Christian. I am now doubting that. For most of my experience, I have felt like being a Christian was something that I did. Sure, it was something I called myself. But it was just another thing I did. You know, go to church, read my Bible, hang out with my Christian friends, witness to my nonChristian friends (only if I felt comfortable, right?). But for the longest time I have felt like something is missing. Where's the power? Where's this "faith that can move mountains" stuff? Or the "raise the dead" power? I just kinda thought that it wasn't for me or something that just came when I was mature enough in my faith. Until now. Since September I have been taking a course called School of Ministry from a local seminary (The Master's Institute). It's basically a 9 month course on spiritual leadership. It has been the single most life-changing experience for me. We have different teachers each week that instruct us on basic as well as deeper spiritual practices, truths, etc. Recently we had a couple come that spoke on being filled with the Spirit. I was a little worried about this topic because it's something I have been struggling with. I wasn't really sure what I believe. I wasn't really sure that I was filled with the Spirit. I have had some negative experiences with this whole area and didn't really want to get manipulated or hurt again. So I just sat back and took it all in. I heard this couple tell of how God completely transformed them when they were in their 30s. Their lives as Christians became dynamic, powerful, exciting and really meaningful. For the longest time I have felt like my faith is really blah. Boring. Dull. Nothing really exciting to tell about. I even blogged how I felt like I didn't even miss God if I didn't spend time with him regularly (prayer, reading scripture). I asked God to do something new and different, to help me become dependent on him. And he's been doing that. Everything that I have been in control of, my life as a stay-at-home mom, Skip's job, our finances, my time, etc have all been removed. I no longer have control of them. Ok so back to the filling of the Spirit stuff...

So at the end of our class this couple invites people up to pray simply to be filled with the Spirit. I jumped right up there. Something was missing and this had to be it. So I prayed. And I have to report that I didn't fall to the ground. I didn't start speaking in tongues, handling snakes or foaming at the mouth. I didn't even get a warm fuzzy. But something really did change. I have seen it in little things here and there. I don't feel like the things I do are in my own flesh. For instance, I prayed for God to help me learn my job. WOW. I could NOT believe how quickly I caught on. It really surprised me. I'm no idiot, but it just seemed like things came so much quicker than it normally takes me. Just the other day I had a very cool experience which I totally believe is testimony to the difference in me.

Thursday night I could not start my car after work (6:30ish). I'd turn the key and there was just nothing. No clicks. No turns. I ran back into the office and pretty much everyone had left. I told one coworker what happened and she told me that Joe, one of our warehouse/shipping guys, was a mechanic and he would help me. Joe is probably 25, looks a little punkish with his pierced lip, baggy pants and skateboarding clothes. He jumped up and ran out to the car with me. Now remember, it's probably 10 degrees outside. The truck wouldn't even take a charge. We're talking dead battery. Worthless. Useless. I was sooooo bummed. Joe looked around the car and said that everything looked good but that I just needed to replace the battery. So I called Skip and he came down to rescue me. As I sat with the kids in the van while Skip poked around the car, I suddenly realized that I hadn't prayed yet. And the thought came to mind that even faith the size of a mustard seed could move a mountain (this is scripture). So I took a deep breath and said out loud, "God, you know that we can't afford this car battery. You know this is NOT the time. So you are just going to have to do something. Start this car. Fix this battery." I pushed the remote start button. Nothing. I looked away from the car and thought, "You can still do this, God!" Suddenly I looked over, the headlights were on and the truck was running. I just knew that God was showing me that I had access to a power that I haven't tapped into enough. I was so excited.

I'm on to something. I have been missing out for a long time. And I have a lot of catching up to do. What about you? What is your experience?