Skip and I regularly correct the kids when they mispronounce a word. One of the big ones for Ella is when she says "fer" instead of "for". So she's supposed to be in quiet time on Saturday. She comes upstairs while Skip and I are talking. I ask her what she needs. She says, "First, Mom, I need to tell you something about what you were talking about with Dad." (She's forever being nosy about what he and I talk about so I figure she's going to make a comment about that.) She says, without missing a beat, "You said 'fer' instead of 'for'. Can I have a snack?" They don't miss anything, do they?
Skip and I are sitting on our swing last night as the kids get the last bit of energy out at the end of the day yesterday. We were commenting on how Ella has a nice little shaped body, muscular and thin.
Me: "I just wish I was thin like that."
Skip: "Don't we all?"
Me: "Don't we all think I was thin like that? Gee, thanks, honey."
Of course we both know he wasn't referring to me but I just had to give him a hard time about that. I told him that I was going to blog about that comment and that he was going to get crap from my readers. So, readership, lay it on.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
do you know what time it is?
I don't. I lost my watch. I'm so mad. I love that watch. Let me know if God shows you where it is in a dream. He's been known to do that, ya know.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
two weeks later
It has been almost 2 weeks since I started thinking about this pharmacy school idea. And I just can't stop. At this point, I'm pretty much convinced that this is where God is leading me. I have poured over the info on the website and been praying hard. I have been completely overwhelmed with support from family and friends. My mom said that when I talked about getting a job as a pharmacy tech 6 months ago she thought to herself that I would make a good pharmacist. She never said anything. Of course even if she had I wouldn't have believed her. :-) The affirmation I've received has been so good for me. Very encouraging. And of course my dear college friend Christine, who graduated from the U of MN pharmacy program a few years ago, has been telling me for years that I would love the profession. Now she's saying, "Yeah, I told you so!"
The big issue for me right now is timing. I have a small window to apply for the Fall 2009 program. And I mean very small window. Between now and Sept/Oct I need to take an economics class, get my application and references in and also take the PCAT (a standardized test like the MCAT for medical school). That's a lot of ducks to line up in a row. My pharmacist friend Andrea is telling me to go for it because I have no assurance that I'll even get into the program, much less the first time I apply (there are thousands of applicants for 108 positions). Skip and I have talked about 2010 and it makes the most sense logically. But I also know that sometimes God wants us to trust him with timing, not just in our ability to plan things out perfectly. And I also know that I am a particularly impatient person. I don't want to wait until 2010. We could definitely use some prayer in this area so that Skip and I are united and that we make the best decision for our family.
I'm also frantically looking for financial assistance online. Scholarships, grants, work programs, etc. Anyone that wants to give me free money for school is getting my attention right now. :-) I know that God will provide the money we need for me to go to school if this is his plan for me. It's an expensive program though!
So that's what I've been thinking. It's 2 weeks later and I'm still excited. That's a pretty good sign.
The big issue for me right now is timing. I have a small window to apply for the Fall 2009 program. And I mean very small window. Between now and Sept/Oct I need to take an economics class, get my application and references in and also take the PCAT (a standardized test like the MCAT for medical school). That's a lot of ducks to line up in a row. My pharmacist friend Andrea is telling me to go for it because I have no assurance that I'll even get into the program, much less the first time I apply (there are thousands of applicants for 108 positions). Skip and I have talked about 2010 and it makes the most sense logically. But I also know that sometimes God wants us to trust him with timing, not just in our ability to plan things out perfectly. And I also know that I am a particularly impatient person. I don't want to wait until 2010. We could definitely use some prayer in this area so that Skip and I are united and that we make the best decision for our family.
I'm also frantically looking for financial assistance online. Scholarships, grants, work programs, etc. Anyone that wants to give me free money for school is getting my attention right now. :-) I know that God will provide the money we need for me to go to school if this is his plan for me. It's an expensive program though!
So that's what I've been thinking. It's 2 weeks later and I'm still excited. That's a pretty good sign.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
i'm married to a celebrity
Ok so he's not exactly a celebrity, but he was in the paper today! A week or so ago he was interviewed by a reporter at the St. Paul Pioneer Press. She was doing a piece for Father's Day on daddy bloggers. Check out the link!
St. Paul Pioneer Press "Daddy Bloggers"
St. Paul Pioneer Press "Daddy Bloggers"
getting down and dirty
Like Mother's Day, Father's Day is a day for dads to do whatever they want. And for Skip that included a long afternoon nap. As he was settling into dreamy land, I took all of about 5 seconds to change into my grungy gardening gear and head outside. I spent the next two hours in sweet outdoor bliss. The weather was absolutely perfect. Sunny, not humid, not too hot, a nice breeze to keep me cool. It was more than I could have asked for.
Earlier this week I ventured down to St. Paul and dug up 2 huge boxes and 3 bags full of day lilies, ferns, hosta and snow on the mountain. A delightful older woman was changing the look of her garden and she let me take as much as I wanted for free. (I love Craigslist!) So I planted 5-6 plants on the side of the house under Ella's window and finished off the landscaping there with flagstone and river rock. (All free CList leftovers from last year).
Earlier this week I ventured down to St. Paul and dug up 2 huge boxes and 3 bags full of day lilies, ferns, hosta and snow on the mountain. A delightful older woman was changing the look of her garden and she let me take as much as I wanted for free. (I love Craigslist!) So I planted 5-6 plants on the side of the house under Ella's window and finished off the landscaping there with flagstone and river rock. (All free CList leftovers from last year).
Then I planted about 16 more day lilies along the back side of my house under Simon's window, ferns to hide the air conditioner and hosta here and there. Ella came around the corner and saw the plants and exclaimed, "Mom, that looks terrible!" Gee thanks. I know it looks like crap. I'm not done yet. But thanks.
I yanked up a dead rose bush (casualty of a brutal winter) and trimmed back some unruly bushes in the front. I have missed being at home and gardening whenever I want. It's so therapeutic for me. I work in silence and love to watch the faces of my family when I show them around when I'm done (except for the aforementioned comment by Ella). This year I decided that I wasn't going to spend any money on flowers (casualty of a budget cut). So I'm trying to spruce things up with some free plants that come back year after year.
Yesterday I treated Skip to a fun surprise for Father's Day. One of our favorite places in Cali was called Jamba Juice. They are popping up here and there in the Twin Cities. So I took them all down to one in the quaint and gorgeous area of St. Paul and we enjoyed a delicious smoothie for breakfast. YUM! Tonight I was supposed to make homemade pizza with a deep dish crust from scratch. It's a recipe I got from my Rachael Ray mag and it's the favorite of an award-winning pizza chef. If it's good (and easy) I'll post the recipe later. I say "supposed to" because I didn't realize that it needed to rise for 20 min and then another 60 min and then cook for 30. Sheesh. So we went to TGIFridays. Mmmmm...It's been a super weekend. I really needed it!
Yesterday I treated Skip to a fun surprise for Father's Day. One of our favorite places in Cali was called Jamba Juice. They are popping up here and there in the Twin Cities. So I took them all down to one in the quaint and gorgeous area of St. Paul and we enjoyed a delicious smoothie for breakfast. YUM! Tonight I was supposed to make homemade pizza with a deep dish crust from scratch. It's a recipe I got from my Rachael Ray mag and it's the favorite of an award-winning pizza chef. If it's good (and easy) I'll post the recipe later. I say "supposed to" because I didn't realize that it needed to rise for 20 min and then another 60 min and then cook for 30. Sheesh. So we went to TGIFridays. Mmmmm...It's been a super weekend. I really needed it!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
where did that come from?
Something new entered into my thought life yesterday.
On Fridays we have a pharmacist named Andrea in the pharmacy who double checks all our orders before they are shipped. Andrea is a few years younger than me, a new mom, and just finishing up some pharmacy school. She wants to be a professor. Andrea and I get along really well as we have so much in common. We started talking about test-taking, studying, school, etc. Based on what I told Andrea about myself, she said that I would be a really good fit for pharmacy school. ME? WHAT? I told her that I didn't like chemistry and math and pretty much that's what it all is, right? Actually it's not. It's more the applied chemistry and math. So it's not just the chemical equations but how the body works and uses drugs and all that. I started to realize that the things I find most fascinating about my job are the kinds of things that pharmacists study. I'm the only tech who actually asks what each drug is used for. I am so interested in each patient as a person and wonder what their condition is and why they need this or that round of antibiotics. Do they have MRSA (the super bug) or Crohn's Disease? It's all very interesting to me. Andrea explained some of the things I have in my pocket already that would give me preference over other applicants into the program (BS degree from the U of MN, I'm a resident of MN, I have work experience, etc.). And it really got me thinking.
Let me digress for a moment. I haven't given additional education a thought for almost 8 years. I NEVER thought I'd even consider it. I was just thankful that I could put my 4 years of college to use with this job. And I also promised myself that I would never go to college while my kids were young.
So back to my thinking. Is this a God thing? Could I really do this? Should I really do this? I started talking with Skip about it and found myself get almost giddy. I think I could do this! And I think I would really like it. What a blessing it would be to our familyif we could live off my income instead of scraping by? And with all the Walgreens, CVS's, Snyder Drug Stores popping up, there certainly isn't a shortage of jobs. I can't see myself being a pharmacy tech for 30 years (especially with my pay). And I can't see myself not working when both kids are in school full time. So I need something. I am going to be praying hard and doing some serious research in the next 6-8 months about this. I'm all emotionally charged about it now so I could feel differently in a week.
So we'll see. There's so much to think about.
On Fridays we have a pharmacist named Andrea in the pharmacy who double checks all our orders before they are shipped. Andrea is a few years younger than me, a new mom, and just finishing up some pharmacy school. She wants to be a professor. Andrea and I get along really well as we have so much in common. We started talking about test-taking, studying, school, etc. Based on what I told Andrea about myself, she said that I would be a really good fit for pharmacy school. ME? WHAT? I told her that I didn't like chemistry and math and pretty much that's what it all is, right? Actually it's not. It's more the applied chemistry and math. So it's not just the chemical equations but how the body works and uses drugs and all that. I started to realize that the things I find most fascinating about my job are the kinds of things that pharmacists study. I'm the only tech who actually asks what each drug is used for. I am so interested in each patient as a person and wonder what their condition is and why they need this or that round of antibiotics. Do they have MRSA (the super bug) or Crohn's Disease? It's all very interesting to me. Andrea explained some of the things I have in my pocket already that would give me preference over other applicants into the program (BS degree from the U of MN, I'm a resident of MN, I have work experience, etc.). And it really got me thinking.
Let me digress for a moment. I haven't given additional education a thought for almost 8 years. I NEVER thought I'd even consider it. I was just thankful that I could put my 4 years of college to use with this job. And I also promised myself that I would never go to college while my kids were young.
So back to my thinking. Is this a God thing? Could I really do this? Should I really do this? I started talking with Skip about it and found myself get almost giddy. I think I could do this! And I think I would really like it. What a blessing it would be to our familyif we could live off my income instead of scraping by? And with all the Walgreens, CVS's, Snyder Drug Stores popping up, there certainly isn't a shortage of jobs. I can't see myself being a pharmacy tech for 30 years (especially with my pay). And I can't see myself not working when both kids are in school full time. So I need something. I am going to be praying hard and doing some serious research in the next 6-8 months about this. I'm all emotionally charged about it now so I could feel differently in a week.
So we'll see. There's so much to think about.
Monday, June 09, 2008
whew i'm glad it's a new week
Last week was really tough. I was a ball of nerves because I was scheduled to work my first weekend shift. When you work a weekend shift you have to come in at 10am and stay until 2pm (On Saturday) unless the pharmacist has a lot of orders to fill. And then I was on-call all weekend in the event that the pharmacist needed me to come fill an ASAP order. The order filling wasn't worrying me. I was also responsible for packaging and calling a courier to pick up the order. And pulling all the extra supplies that go with the order (like a million different kinds of tubing, needles, IV prep kits, etc). I was soooo worried that I would screw it up and send the drug to Mozambique when it needed to go to St. Paul. It wasn't until last Monday that I was even trained in on packaging and shipping. So I wasn't really confident. To make matters worse, the pharmacist on call was my boss's boss. The Big Man. The one that I really wanted to impress. Yea, that pretty much went out the window when I locked myself out of the building in the first 5 minutes and ran around the building banging on windows and doors trying to get someone's attention for 15 minutes. And guess who had to find me? Yep, the pharmacist. Sigh...I felt like such a doofus. Fortunately he has a good sense of humor so we just laughed about it. Well the Saturday shift went pretty well and I didn't have to stay too much past 2pm. So I survived. And as far as I know, all the drugs made it to their intended destinations. And I wasn't called in on Sunday, although I checked my cell phone every 5 minutes to make sure that I hadn't missed a call from the pharmacist.
On Sunday my cousin Jane had her graduation party. Man I can't believe she's going to college. Her parents threw her this massive party which was super fun. We had a great time. I had a blast buying her gift. I took about 50 bucks and went to the dollar store and got all the odds and ends and school supplies I could think of. Things that you don't realize you need in a dorm room. Like silverware, dish soap, dishes, a can opener (opening a can of soup with scissors is not fun, trust me), shower shoes, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, etc. It was so much fun. And then when I packed it up for her I put a little sticky note with a goofy message on each and every item. We laughed our heads off.
My aunt's dad (he was married to my dad's mom for many years so we're not technically related) was in town. Even though he hasn't been a grandfather figure in my life, I've always called him Grandpa and liked him. He's a quiet German man who is very gentle and loving. I decided to sit down next to him and chat for awhile. I was amazed at the stories he told me. He was born and raised in Germany. So he still has a very thick German accent. We had been talking about our current President and the war and all that (something many old people like to do) and said, "This President has no idea what war is like." He then told me that when he was like 9 or 10 during the war in Germany his family was fleeing from one side to the other (I think from East to West). It was January and they were in a horse-drawn carriage. They could see bombs lit up around them, blowing things up. His mother was pregnant and ended up dying from the conditions (the baby died too). The soldiers took their horses. He said it was just frigid cold and miserable. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea he had experienced that. He's also a gifted carpenter and showed me this one-of-a-kind, absolutely gorgeous highboy dresser he made for my cousin. From scratch. It was breathtaking. He's so talented.
Just as I was leaving my aunt's house she gave me the best gift ever. She let me harvest as much of her rhubarb as I wanted. I felt like I had won the lottery. I LOVE rhubarb. I brought it all home in a box and immediately cut it up and froze it. I have enough for 4 rhubarb custard pies. Mmmmm. My favorite. I could eat a whole one myself. Mmmm......
So that was my weekend.
Ella is officially a first grader now. She ended her school year today at Como Zoo in St. Paul. In some ways I can't believe she's in 1st grade. But then when I look at her and listen to her talk and see how tall she is, I can believe it. She's such a good kid.
On Sunday my cousin Jane had her graduation party. Man I can't believe she's going to college. Her parents threw her this massive party which was super fun. We had a great time. I had a blast buying her gift. I took about 50 bucks and went to the dollar store and got all the odds and ends and school supplies I could think of. Things that you don't realize you need in a dorm room. Like silverware, dish soap, dishes, a can opener (opening a can of soup with scissors is not fun, trust me), shower shoes, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, etc. It was so much fun. And then when I packed it up for her I put a little sticky note with a goofy message on each and every item. We laughed our heads off.
My aunt's dad (he was married to my dad's mom for many years so we're not technically related) was in town. Even though he hasn't been a grandfather figure in my life, I've always called him Grandpa and liked him. He's a quiet German man who is very gentle and loving. I decided to sit down next to him and chat for awhile. I was amazed at the stories he told me. He was born and raised in Germany. So he still has a very thick German accent. We had been talking about our current President and the war and all that (something many old people like to do) and said, "This President has no idea what war is like." He then told me that when he was like 9 or 10 during the war in Germany his family was fleeing from one side to the other (I think from East to West). It was January and they were in a horse-drawn carriage. They could see bombs lit up around them, blowing things up. His mother was pregnant and ended up dying from the conditions (the baby died too). The soldiers took their horses. He said it was just frigid cold and miserable. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea he had experienced that. He's also a gifted carpenter and showed me this one-of-a-kind, absolutely gorgeous highboy dresser he made for my cousin. From scratch. It was breathtaking. He's so talented.
Just as I was leaving my aunt's house she gave me the best gift ever. She let me harvest as much of her rhubarb as I wanted. I felt like I had won the lottery. I LOVE rhubarb. I brought it all home in a box and immediately cut it up and froze it. I have enough for 4 rhubarb custard pies. Mmmmm. My favorite. I could eat a whole one myself. Mmmm......
So that was my weekend.
Ella is officially a first grader now. She ended her school year today at Como Zoo in St. Paul. In some ways I can't believe she's in 1st grade. But then when I look at her and listen to her talk and see how tall she is, I can believe it. She's such a good kid.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
wrestling at four in the morning
I've been wrestling with something recently. I think I have been wrestling with it for probably most of my life, but it's been on the forefront of my mind over the last few weeks. I want to live a substantial life. A life of meaning. I want to make a difference. I want to be a part of something BIG that makes a deep impact on more than just those I come into contact with everyday. That's not to say that those around me are less important, but this vision I have of me reaches beyond them as well. When I was in high school and into college, I had this drive to become someone of consequence. Someone that people respected and admired for the difference she made in people's lives. At the time I thought that would be fleshed out in a career as a physical therapist, someone who was a healing hand in another's life. Noble, but my sights were set on myself and not on bringing glory to God. That dream never materialized. A few years after Skip and I got married I had this vision of him and I sharing a stage, speaking together to a huge group of people, having something to say that people wanted to hear. Was this from God? I don't know. But this image hasn't left me over the years.
A few weeks ago Skip and I attended a benefit dinner for an organization called International Justice Mission (IJM). IJM "is a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression." They have teams of lawyers, investigators and aftercare specialists that free people in bondage. (Think modern slavery, brothels, torture and sexual predators). While at this dinner I was overcome with emotion. I had the strongest desire to partner with this organization. Good, right? Well, I'm trying to look objectively at my motivation. See, we were invited to this dinner by some friends of ours, Kevin and Susie Larson. This couple, along with Troy and Sara Groves, planned this dinner for 650 people. I absolutely adore Susie Larson. She's an incredible author and woman whose work (and delightful personality) have resonated deep within me. And Sara Groves is seriously one of my favorite music artists. Soooo, I've got this internal struggle within myself. Am I wanting to be a part of this because I'm star struck? To rub shoulders with these women would be kinda, well, cool. What's my motivation? Is it to free the captives? Or is it to hang around those I admire deeply? Or maybe it's this deep longing to be a part of something that matters. Something that I can get my hands into and call my own.
I started a book yesterday that already has me reeling. It's called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It talks of how we as women have built within us a desire for greatness, beauty, adventure, romance. We were also made in God's image and these are some of the characteristics we have of God. The authors also touch on how women often feel shame for desiring these things. How many of us sometimes are embarrassed to admit we like cheesy chick flicks? Or think we're asking too much to want to feel beautiful, loved, wanted, needed? I am starting to think that this passion for greatness, this urge to be someone of consequence, isn't about stroking my ego. It isn't about making myself look or feel good. It isn't about hobnobbing with famous women. It's about embracing who God created me to be.
At this dinner I heard Sara Groves sing a song called "When the Saints". It's a take on the old song "When the Saints Come Marching In". She sings of the strength and courage of the saints before our time like Paul and Silas, Harriet Tubman, Mother Teresa, and the unsung heroes of IJM and how she wants to be like that. The one line that made my heart leap was "and when the Saints go marching in, I want to be one of them..." I wanted to jump up and shout at the top of my lungs, "ME TOO!" Every time I listen to that song tears run down my cheeks and my spirit stirs. Is it wrong for me to want to leave the kind of mark that the Apostle Paul or Mother Teresa made on humanity? Am I just being my sorry old arrogant, self-serving self?
See, that's what I'm struggling with. I know my heart and it's wicked. Who is my motivation here? Me or God? Something is stirring in me, I can't deny that. But I'm scared that it's about me and not something that God wants for me. Been there, done that, got the scars to show for it. I guess we'll just see where this goes.
A few weeks ago Skip and I attended a benefit dinner for an organization called International Justice Mission (IJM). IJM "is a human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression." They have teams of lawyers, investigators and aftercare specialists that free people in bondage. (Think modern slavery, brothels, torture and sexual predators). While at this dinner I was overcome with emotion. I had the strongest desire to partner with this organization. Good, right? Well, I'm trying to look objectively at my motivation. See, we were invited to this dinner by some friends of ours, Kevin and Susie Larson. This couple, along with Troy and Sara Groves, planned this dinner for 650 people. I absolutely adore Susie Larson. She's an incredible author and woman whose work (and delightful personality) have resonated deep within me. And Sara Groves is seriously one of my favorite music artists. Soooo, I've got this internal struggle within myself. Am I wanting to be a part of this because I'm star struck? To rub shoulders with these women would be kinda, well, cool. What's my motivation? Is it to free the captives? Or is it to hang around those I admire deeply? Or maybe it's this deep longing to be a part of something that matters. Something that I can get my hands into and call my own.
I started a book yesterday that already has me reeling. It's called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It talks of how we as women have built within us a desire for greatness, beauty, adventure, romance. We were also made in God's image and these are some of the characteristics we have of God. The authors also touch on how women often feel shame for desiring these things. How many of us sometimes are embarrassed to admit we like cheesy chick flicks? Or think we're asking too much to want to feel beautiful, loved, wanted, needed? I am starting to think that this passion for greatness, this urge to be someone of consequence, isn't about stroking my ego. It isn't about making myself look or feel good. It isn't about hobnobbing with famous women. It's about embracing who God created me to be.
At this dinner I heard Sara Groves sing a song called "When the Saints". It's a take on the old song "When the Saints Come Marching In". She sings of the strength and courage of the saints before our time like Paul and Silas, Harriet Tubman, Mother Teresa, and the unsung heroes of IJM and how she wants to be like that. The one line that made my heart leap was "and when the Saints go marching in, I want to be one of them..." I wanted to jump up and shout at the top of my lungs, "ME TOO!" Every time I listen to that song tears run down my cheeks and my spirit stirs. Is it wrong for me to want to leave the kind of mark that the Apostle Paul or Mother Teresa made on humanity? Am I just being my sorry old arrogant, self-serving self?
See, that's what I'm struggling with. I know my heart and it's wicked. Who is my motivation here? Me or God? Something is stirring in me, I can't deny that. But I'm scared that it's about me and not something that God wants for me. Been there, done that, got the scars to show for it. I guess we'll just see where this goes.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
balance
I'm having a hard time finding balance right now. Or maybe it's less about balance but more about readjusting my priorities. My whole world changed when I started working. And the things that I loved about being at home full time I still love, but I can't have nearly as much. One of those things is time with my girlfriends. I feel like my support system was ripped out from underneath me. It's not that they abandoned me or that I abandoned them. It's just that things are different and we're still navigating how to adjust to that difference. Recently a friend said to me that she has no idea how I pulled off being in MOPS leadership along with all the other things going on in my life. I'm all done with MOPS, School of Ministry, Ella's done with school (aside of a field trip on Monday). But I'm still frustrated. I am still stretched thin. But I'm not finding the time for my girlfriends. I told my friend K probably 2 months ago that I wanted to take her out for lunch for her birthday. Haven't been able to make that one work yet. My dear friend J is moving away in a few short weeks and I haven't seen her for several weeks. The last thing I want is for my friends to think that I don't care about them or that I have forgotten them. Or that I simply don't have time for them. That sounds so mean. Like it's intentional. But the reality is, I really don't have endless amounts of time. But I still value them. It's just hard to communicate that. So if you are a friend of mine, and you're feeling that I have dropped you like a bad habit, know this: I haven't. I love you. I need you! I'm just still growing into this new phase of my life. Please be patient with me!
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